can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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