i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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