Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
