so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
