the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
