you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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