We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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