I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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