could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize