apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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