i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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