Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
