Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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