Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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