Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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