I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
