I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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