they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
