smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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