Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Good decisions....

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up

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  (401): Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant (978): Good decisions.... (401): Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up http://tfl.nu/4ade
  Replies (7) Good night (2245) Bad night (548)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.

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  (609): I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak. http://tfl.nu/euel
  Replies (35) Good night (595) Bad night (1889)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts

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  (908): I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts http://tfl.nu/1w8r
  Replies (28) Good night (5014) Bad night (962)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.

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  (603): turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops. http://tfl.nu/vdzv
  Replies (20) Good night (970) Bad night (5722)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!

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  (610): Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me! http://tfl.nu/2u3z
  Replies (15) Good night (4737) Bad night (954)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?

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  (615): How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"? http://tfl.nu/jnls
  Replies (20) Good night (1423) Bad night (5620)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.

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  (409): We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team. http://tfl.nu/iz22
  Replies (8) Good night (1858) Bad night (663)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

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  (605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz
  Replies (5) Good night (2425) Bad night (1265)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.

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  (575): You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup. http://tfl.nu/dggj
  Replies (4) Good night (4382) Bad night (1015)
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  (916): View more from California

  New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.

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  (916): New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know. http://tfl.nu/vjk4
  Replies (1) Good night (1483) Bad night (497)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.

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  (314): The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons. http://tfl.nu/mw2s
  Replies (10) Good night (2246) Bad night (889)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?

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  (414): I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I? http://tfl.nu/qaua
  Replies (10) Good night (441) Bad night (744)
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  (310): View more from California

  I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle

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  (310): I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle http://tfl.nu/8b8w
  Replies (6) Good night (1278) Bad night (515)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!

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  (207): But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on! http://tfl.nu/iftt
  Replies (11) Good night (356) Bad night (841)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer

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  (317): Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer http://tfl.nu/bezk
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (224)

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