Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"