if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.