That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
