I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
