ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
