"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
