Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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