It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
