My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
