naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
