I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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