we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
