After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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