Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
