Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
