I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
