My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
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Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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