i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
