You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
