How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
