Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
