Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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