his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
