I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
