So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
