drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
