How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Holy shit dude........stairs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
