whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
