I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
