your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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