i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
