I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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