when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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