Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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