I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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