This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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