So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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