i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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