If i come over, it means nothing
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
