She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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