he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
