we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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