3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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