In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
