my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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