Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My bed smells like the plague
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
