drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
