Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
