i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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