Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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