You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
