just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
