So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
