Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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