if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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