apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize