WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
