is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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