I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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