Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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