On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
