i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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