so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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